Things That Make My Hold My Head in My Hands: Episode I

Tesco’s.

I don’t usually shop at Tesco, because it makes me feel like shit.  Occasionally, as yesterday, it’s unavoidable.  K-man and I were in the vicinity, and our car, Vernon, is emitting a worrisome and expensive-sounding clonking noise which makes racking up the unnecessary mileage involved in travelling to the relative mecca of happiness (Waitrose) akin to dicing with death.  Additionally, the price of petrol at the moment results in unpleasant hyperventilation.

The above photograph seeks to capture the rock bottom grey depressive feeling I suffer when I’ve been in the aircraft hangar sized multi-purpose pedlar of pointless pap for more than six milliseconds.  When I’m in Tesco’s I can’t even muster the energy to argue, that’s how bad it is.  I swear to lard, the aisles have vanishing points.

The single vegetables wrapped in plastic.  The vast array of goods, the available quantity of which is inversely proportional to the benefit of their ingestion (crisps, one entire half-aisle; white rice area, 12 feet of shelf-space mostly ready-made packet mixes; brown rice, one product).  The incomplete pricing information.  Oh, wait, was that a member of staff?  No, it was a mirage.

In this burb, the food-shopping choices are limited to enormous supermarkets.  Gone are the days when I could stroll fifty yards to my friendly local greengrocer and buy the one chili or the handful of beansprouts I needed that day and put them in a paper bag.   Now I must drive out in order to buy four times as much as I need of something, and it must all be wrapped in plastic.

If only The People’s Supermarket would come to my burb!  Are you listening, People’s Supermarket?

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4 Responses to “Things That Make My Hold My Head in My Hands: Episode I”


  1. 1 trash March 14, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    In the hope it will lift your heart a little let me share the BIG news locally. A Focus DIY store is being taken over by an Asda. How is this positive? Well, there is a small family-owned hardware store that has weathered the coming of the mahoosive barn-sized business and is now waving it farewell. SOmetimes the little guy does win!

  2. 2 Jonathan March 14, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    The thing that annoys me about ALL shops is old people paying slowly. I know I’ll be old one day, but I’ll damn well make sure I get my money ready before I get to the checkout.

    See… sat here getting angry already lol

  3. 3 Jen on the Edge March 15, 2011 at 1:15 am

    I’m chuckling, because I’m actually hoping to pass a Tesco (as well as a Marks & Spencer) so that I can pop in and pick up some Easter candy. Easter this year will be decidedly British and French, as far as I am concerned.

    • 4 nic March 16, 2011 at 12:36 pm

      @trash: that DOES warm my heart! Well done the small hardware store.

      @jonathan: indeed. It is infuriating, but I too always try to remember that they’re old, many of them long ago let go of the notion of rushing around, and the other thing I realised is that for lots of old people the interaction in the check-out queue is pretty much the only human interaction they have all day so they try to stretch it out.

      @jen: Nooo! At least go to Waitrose instead :) In all seriousness, I get it completely, since Walmart and Tesco are cut from the same cloth and when I’m in the States the first thing I want to do is rush in and embrace all those unfamiliar products!


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